Toil & Tomes

While I myself do not celebrate Easter, my boyfriend is Lutheran.  He had a tough week leading up to Easter and needed to attend church services to help get his mind to calm down. He wanted me to attend services with him, not due to any fantasies of conversion, but solely based on the fact that I’m important to him and he wants me to know this part of his life.  Without his beliefs, my boyfriend wouldn’t be nearly the man he is today. I will never pretend to believe in the same dogma, but I will absolutely respect and honor his religious beliefs. I absolutely agreed to go and had a wonderful time meeting his pastors and friends.

That being said, I was nervous, which in turn made my boyfriend concerned for me. I haven’t always had the best history in dual-religion relationships.  At first, I thought it was old relationship haunts coming back to rear their ugly little heads. I have been in relationships where the other party asked me to attend church in an effort to convert me.  Needless to say, it eventually led to these relationships dissolving.

However, shortly after we came home from the service, my boyfriend gave me an out. I could go to services with him, but he doesn’t want me to be uncomfortable in any way. I honestly didn’t realize how much of my nerves were projecting outward.  After some discussion, and assuring him that I enjoyed going to his church and meeting his friends, I came to a realization. I was afraid. But I realized that it wasn’t for me, but for him.  I was afraid of what the parish would say to him upon finding out I was Wiccan.  I was afraid of him having to defend his choice in a building where he feels safe and part of a community.

Unconsciously, I was flashing back to moments in my life where I’ve had to defend my path.  I flashed back to the counselor’s office my junior year of high school, where I was told another student had accused me of worshipping Satan. I flashed back to college, where I suddenly lost friends because their religious beliefs didn’t have room for a Wiccan. I remembered all the conversations with my very religious and very Baptist grandmother (this one ultimately ended well). I remembered all those failed relationships.

While I strive to honor other belief systems, I didn’t realize just how much of my early years as a Wiccan were impacting my life today.  While I try to practice tolerance and understanding when it comes to other religions, it would seem that I still expect and fear that those same religions will react negatively to me.   I’ve spent the last couple of years believing that I was as open concerning my faith as I could be. But, if I’m still afraid of how people are going to react, am I really open and understanding?  While I try and respect other’s beliefs, I’m expecting them to reacting negatively. I’m painting these people, these people I do not know, with a belief contrived from the negative experiences of my early Pagan years. This is a vicious cycle. This is not a cycle of tolerance or understanding, but one based on a fear.

But now, I know. I know where that fear lies. I know how it works. And that knowledge helps me to become a better practitioner, a better neighbor, a better person. The bottom line, apparently I am, in fact, still growing both as a person and as a Wiccan.  It may not have been the ideal way to spend Easter with my boyfriend, but it was certainly an eye-opener.

The essence of Imbolc lies in the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox.  We are celebrating life, all life, as it transitions from one season to the next.    Imbolc is a great time to think about mental, emotional, or physical changes you want to implement in yourself or your environment. (Think of it as a time to reaffirm your New Year’s resolutions, if you are the type of person to make them).

As an example, I was horrible with plants when I was younger. No, seriously.  I killed a cactus.  A cactus…  For a number of years, every Imbolc I would buy plants.  If the plants survived the year, then I could get more the next year.  I succeeded after some trial and error, and I now live in an apartment surround by greenery I nurtured myself.  I ran out of space on the windowsills of my apartment a few years ago, so now I do other rituals to celebrate the turning season. While I have an altar, I like to include these rituals in different parts of my home. This year I chose simple candle and bowl combinations in my living room and bedroom.  At the very least I suggest a collection of the following items:  a bowl/cup,  salt/dirt, tealight candle, basil or bay leaves, pine cones, rosemary or lavender sprigs, leaves etc.

I filled both my bowls about halfway with salt, and placed a tealight slightly off center to accommodate the other materials I was adding. Behind the tealight I placed a couple of bay leaves upright into the salt, along with a few small sprigs of rosemary.  The whole thing symbolizes nature starting to stir and bloom with the coming of spring.  On Imbolc, I lit both candles and reaffirmed the positive changes I wanted in my life for this year.  Super simple ritual that lasted only a few minutes.

Holidays within the Wiccan tradition are always interesting.  There are a myriad of influences and concepts to the word “tradition.”  At the beginning of my journey, I constantly found myself confused about when to practice, and most importantly, how.  It took me some time to settle into my own routine as a solitary, and even then, the ways in which I practice continuously evolve just as I do.   The fact is, that many things can be including in an Imbolc ritual, although some practitioners are more specific than others.  I cannot stress enough, how important it is for new practitioners to find a path comfortable for them rather than sticking to someone else’s perspective.  Your rituals are more meaningful when they are designed around your experiences.